Working Things Out
by sidewinder
Summary: Carisi is having trouble on the job, and finds guidance in an unlikely source.


_Author's Note: This story includes references to various Season 17-19 episodes and cases, including "Next Chapter" and "Complicated"._

* * *

Sonny hesitated, as he always did, at the door to the doctor's office.

For there was still that voice in the back of his head telling him this was foolish. Somehow _wrong_. Not the guidance he should be seeking…and really, chastising himself for needing any guidance in the first place.

A voice of doubt, fear, and above all, guilt.

But then again, wasn't that par for the course for a good Catholic boy like himself?

He sighed, resolved to silencing that voice for the next hour, and finally knocked on the door.

"Come in, Dominick," the doctor called in that soothing and kind voice of his own.

It was a much more pleasant voice than the one which so often plagued Sonny's thoughts.

"Hey, Doc. Sorry I'm a few minutes late." The detective took a seat on the sofa, trying to get into a relaxed position—in body _and_ mind. It was difficult to make that transition, though, after the stress-filled day he'd had. Running fidgety hands through his hair, he explained, "Hard to escape from work today."

"Trust me, I know how it goes in that office. And it's all right; you're my last client of the evening and I've got no plans after this. There's no need to rush or worry about the clock." George Huang smiled gently and Sonny thought, for a moment, that the doctor would have made an excellent priest if that had been his calling in life. He had a way about himself that put you at ease, made you want to believe he had the answers you'd been seeking.

The doctor came around from behind his desk to his own more comfortable, plush leather chair. Sitting down, he asked, "So is there anything in particular you'd like to start with tonight? Anything new going on since our last session?"

Sonny laughed, though it was a bitter laugh lacking any real humor. "Anything new… Wow, yeah. Where do I even begin? I suppose breaking up with my girlfriend the other day is as good a place as any."

"I'm sorry to hear that. I thought things were going well between you both, at least when we last spoke."

"I thought so, too. Then, I dunno. I guess I found out I was wrong to put my trust in her. Or to get involved with anyone who's a reporter, who doesn't understand my job isn't fodder for her headlines."

Sonny went on to tell Dr. Huang about the case—the old "kidnapping" that had turned out to be a murder instead. How his excitement, at first, over reuniting a family after all these years had turned into the tragedy of uncovering the dead daughter's body, and the family secrets long buried with her.

He talked about how he'd made the mistake of sharing details of the case in what he thought was confidence to Arya, only to have her betray that trust and get him in hot water with his lieutenant.

"I'm beginning to get it, though," Sonny said as he finished relaying the events of the past week to Dr. Huang.

"To get what, Dominick?"

"Why everyone on this job seems to end up alone. People who don't work these cases, they have no idea how hard it is. And we're all so messed up by it, I wouldn't want to get involved with someone who works this job, either."

He thought about his coworkers: Benson, breaking up with Tucker when he'd thought they had a good and solid relationship. Amanda, eschewing commitment for occasional flings and one-night stands. And Fin, as far as he could tell, never even trying any more.

"Is that what you see for your future?"

"I…" Sonny hesitated. "Maybe. If I don't get out of this job while I can."

George nodded, though Sonny knew it wasn't necessarily in agreement, just observation and acceptance of his feelings. "You've been at Manhattan SVU for three years now, correct? For many that's longer than they can handle. There would be no shame in transferring out if you feel it's incompatible with your long-term personal goals or emotional needs. You might want to reconsider a position as an ADA, as I know you had been thinking about a few months ago."

"I know. And believe me, the thought keeps crossing my mind." To get away from the front lines, the tearful victims. To not have to be the one carrying a young girl's body out of the ground.

To not have desperate hands slip out of his own, watching someone fall to certain death. To no longer having blood splattered on his face from a bullet he'd believed, in that instant, had just taken his own life.

That last incident was what had lead him to Dr. Huang's office, some months before. Fin had been the person to suggest it, one day while they were out canvassing a neighborhood together.

 _"You know, we all need to talk to someone sometimes, even when we don't think we do,"_ he'd said. _"Or when we're too proud and stubborn to admit we need help."_

 _"I get that. But I'm good."_

 _"Are you?"_ Fin had pressed, and Sonny had preferred not to answer. _"Y'know, I know he pissed off the lieutenant testifying as a defense witness on the Hodda case, but George Huang used to work with us all the time. He gets what this job does to people. I ran into him at court the other day myself and we caught up a bit, says he's taking new clients."_

 _"I don't need a shrink. Especially not one that works for slimy defense attorneys, getting off the guys we're tryin' to put away."_

 _"Well, I'm just saying I think you'd be surprised about him. He's cool. Pretty much the only shrink you'd catch me talkin' to."_

Knowing Fin, Sonny had taken that as a serious recommendation, one he might do well to listen to. So he had, and while he didn't always keep to the monthly schedule of visits that he should, he did find Dr. Haung gave him a lot to think about. That, and the tools to help him do something about those thoughts afterward.

Like deciding if SVU was where he should stake his future, or if he should follow his interest in the law into another career. After all, he could still do important work there. Be like Barba, whom he admired so much. Maybe have the room in his life—and in his heart and his mind—to devote to a proper relationship.

But would it be enough?

"Back when I was working closely with SVU," Dr. Huang started, pulling Sonny out of his thoughts, "I got to know one detective quite well. In some ways he was quite similar to you, Dominick, in his devotion to family, and faith. And the job nearly cost him both before he finally realized it was time to refocus his priorities. You can only do so much to save others before you risk losing yourself."

"What about you, doc? Is that why you got out of the FBI?"

Dr. Huang gave Sonny one of those gentle smiles again. "I had a lot of reasons for that, not the least of which was not wanting to spend the rest of my days as a single, gay man stuck in Oklahoma City."

Sonny let out a snort. "Can't argue with that one, Doc."

As their time ran down, George said, "I'm going to give you some homework before our next session. I think it's time to revisit the life goals worksheet I had you complete after our first session. See where you think you are now, and where you envision yourself in the short-term and long-term future. Let's examine how things have changed or stayed the same, as that could be helpful in steering you toward the right choices. I've also got some reading material I'm going to recommend to you, if you have the time for it."

"Hey, well, I'm used to cramming law books in my off hours for night school. I can handle a little reading for self-improvement."

"Good. And good seeing you again, Dominick. I'd say to send my regards to your lieutenant but…well. I think I'm still out of her better graces for the time being."

"So am I at the moment. I guess that makes us even?"

"I suppose it does. Good night."

"Night."

Sonny didn't bother making his next appointment for now. Knowing the way things went, he'd end up rescheduling it three times anyway before making it in. But that was fine; the doctor understood and they'd work it out around Sonny's schedule.

In the meantime, Sonny had plenty of things to work out on his own.


End file.
